Darn pine tree

By Doug Page | Tuesday, August 14, 2007, 02:18 PM

Many a duffer has wanted to take his or her anger out on an offending tree that had the turmidity to get in the way of one’s golf ball.

It was not clear from the Troy police report whether it was a sense of righteous anger or the beer that motivated a golfer’s attack on a defenseless tree.

The tree lies on the right-hand side of the 13th fairway at Miami Shores Golf Course. Anyone who has played the short par 4 knows the pine of which I speak. It lies right where a decent — though slightly off-line — shot will land. Many are those who have tried to manufacture a shot from beneath the pine’s boughs; few are those who have managed to squirt their ball to the green.

In short, under the pine is bogey territory on one of the most birdie-able holes on the course. Surely a source of anger and outrage.

But back to our saga. Police were called when a golfer showed up at the club house without the cart he had rented. He told a story of tree root that attacked the cart. According to the police report, the duffer claimed “he hit a root from the tree and the wheel fell off.” That would be the left front wheel.

The report goes on to state the victim tree showed a large gouge. The golfer was unable to explain the damage. When asked if he’d been drinking, said duffer reckoned he’d had four or so beers.

He was taken into custody and transported to the police station where he measured 0.171 on a breathe test. In Ohio, you’re considered drunk at 0.08.

The duffer was charged with operation of a vehicle while intoxicated and reckless operation on private property.

My guess is our duffer was bit confused. He may have been playing No. 13, but he had done some serious imbibing at the 19th hole.

Hey bud, the 19th comes AFTER the 13th. I guess we all can be thankful he was driving on the golf course and not the highway.

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