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What's bad news for American retailers may actually be good for our children.

A record 35 percent of Americans are planning on buying fewer things this year than last Christmas, according to a recent Gallup poll. However, children need not be too worried. We are still planning on spending about $800 on gifts, compared with $909 spent last year.

Here's what most parents will get for their money: Children will develop elaborate lists of toys they neither need nor will use beyond a few days. Parents will go further in debt. Children will whine about toys they didn't get, and parents will complain about long shopping lines and endless commercials that promote materialistic values. Christmas is viewed by many parents as an ordeal to be tolerated rather than a holiday to be celebrated.

Parents need to look inward. The problem is neither peer pressure nor endless commercials. Research indicates that children with high materialistic needs tend to be raised by parents with very similar values. Children define happiness by having things because that's what they see going on with their parents.

What role does the media play in using advertising to pressure our children to want all kinds of toys? Some fascinating research by Chaplin and John published in the Journal of Consumer Research challenges our conventional thinking about the media's role. These researchers found some definite differences between children and their materialistic values. However, higher levels of materialism were most related to children's self-esteem. Children with high levels of self-worth had the lowest level of materialistic values.

The problem is not with advertising but in the way that children feel about themselves. This is great news for parents, many of whom have felt that they are powerless victims of a materialistic society and a media that imposed bad values upon our children. The reality is that children imitate our values and are less likely to want things if they feel confident, comfortable and valued. How can you break this materialistic cycle and focus on what really matters?

1. Manage Expectations. Don't focus your children's attention on making Christmas lists, looking through catalogs and spending endless hours at the local mall. Give your children a realistic view of what they can expect for gifts. Try having this type of conversation with your kids:

"Christmas in our family is not about buying a lot of things, but rather is about celebrating an important holiday. Gifts are only a small part of that celebration, so we won't be spending a lot of money on toys and gifts for each other."

2. Expect and manage resistance. Your children may not be happy with this new approach. They may whine, complain and even act up on Christmas morning. Being a parent means doing the right thing to raise moral and productive children, even if sometimes your children don't like you.

3. Develop new traditions. This approach will work only if you replace buying things with establishing meaningful traditions. With younger children, have them do special craft projects or write letters to you about a special family event. Involve your teens in establishing some fun and meaningful activities during the holiday season — visiting friends, writing in a family diary, interviewing relatives or reaching out to others in need.

Toys get broken or ignored pretty quickly, but a family tradition can leave your children with meaningful memories and values.

Gregory Ramey, Ph.D., is a children's psychologist and vice president for outpatient services at The Children's Medical Center of Dayton. For more of his columns, visit www.childrensdayton.org/ramey and sign up for FamilyWise, a free e-newsletter for parents. Send comments to Dr. Ramey at ramey@childrensdayton.org.