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It's the one for which there's often no easy answer: "When is the right time to say goodbye?"

Online help Universal Press Syndicate You're not alone in losing a pet, and many resources are out there to help you cope with your emotions during a difficult time. Here are places to go for help: Pet-loss hot lines. Most veterinary schools offer pet-loss support lines staffed by volunteer veterinary students. The University of California-Davis had the first, and it is still taking calls from 6:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m., Pacific Time, Monday through Friday at 800-565-1526. A list of other pet-loss hot lines can be found on the American Veterinary Medical Association's Web site at http://www.avma.org/ Pet-loss chats. The Web site PetHobbyist.com offers a pet-loss chat every night of the year, which is staffed with volunteer moderators and attended by other pet lovers. Petloss.com is another online resource for information and help.

Choosing to end a pet's life is the hardest decision we make when it comes to our pets, and we can tell you from decades of experience that it's a decision that never gets any easier. Your veterinarian will offer you advice and support, and friends and family can offer you sympathy, but no one can make the decision for you. When you live with an elderly or terminally ill pet, you look in your pet's eyes every morning and wonder if you're doing what's best.

Everyone makes the decision a little differently. Some pet lovers do not wait until their pet's discomfort becomes chronic, untreatable pain, and they choose euthanasia much sooner than others would. Some owners use an animal's appetite as the guide -- when an old or ill animal cannot be tempted into eating, they reason, he has lost most interest in life. And some owners wait until there's no doubt the time is at hand -- and later wonder if they delayed a bit too long.

There's no absolute rule, and every method for deciding is right for some pets and some owners at some times. You do the best you can, and then you try to put the decision behind you and deal with the grief.

The incredible advances in veterinary medicine in the past couple of decades have made the decisions even more difficult for many people. Not too long ago, the best you could do for a seriously ill pet was to make her comfortable until that wasn't possible anymore. Nowadays, nearly every advantage of human medicine -- from chemotherapy to pacemakers to advanced pain relief -- is available to our pets.

But the addition of high-level care shouldn't change much when it comes to easing suffering: If you can have a realistic expectation that a course of treatment will improve your pet's life -- rather than simply prolong it -- then those options should be considered. But you must also ask yourself: Am I doing right by my pet, or am I just holding on because I can't bear to say goodbye?

If it's the latter, you know what decision you have to make.

Many people are surprised at the powerful emotions that erupt after a pet's death, and they can be embarrassed by their grief. Often, we don't realize we're grieving not only for the pet we loved, but also for the special time the animal represented and the ties to other people in our lives. The death of a cat who was a gift as a kitten from a friend who has died, for example, may trigger bittersweet memories of another love lost.

Taking care of yourself is important when dealing with pet loss. Some people -- the "It's just a pet" crowd -- won't understand the loss and may shrug off grief over a pet's death as foolish. I find that the company of other animal lovers is very important. Seek them out to share your feelings, and don't be shy about getting professional help to get you through a difficult time.

Choosing to end a pet's suffering is a final act of love and nothing less. Knowing that your decisions are guided by that love is what helps us all through the sad and lonely time of losing a cherished animal companion.

Dr. Marty Becker, the popular veterinary contributor to ABC-TV's "Good Morning America," has been writing a syndicated newspaper column for more than a decade. Becker is also the host of "The Pet Doctor With Marty Becker," which airs on PBS stations around the country. He has appeared on Animal Planet and is a frequent guest on national network and cable television, and on radio shows.

Gina Spadafori is the award-winning author of top-selling pet-care books, and a consultant to the Veterinary Information Network. Her Web log and column archives can be found at www.spadafori.com.