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Everyone wants a cat who'll spend these cold evenings serving as a purring lap warmer. But some cats need help to learn how to be that contented companion.

Learn your cat's favorite petting places Universal Press Syndicate Some kinds of petting are easier for cats to tolerate than others. For a highly reactive cat, restrict your caresses to behind the ears, under the chin or the base of the tail. A long stroke down the back is too much for some kitties, and you're really taking chances when you decide to tickle your cat's tummy. The cats who enjoy it are greatly outnumbered by the cats who'll quickly tire of a tummy rub and will seek to stop it with teeth and claws.

Feline aggression is often misunderstood and even more often mishandled. Never hit a biting or scratching cat, since putting your pet on the defensive will only make matters worse. Instead, learn to understand why cats bite and scratch, and learn to react in ways that will teach your cat rather than terrorize him. With time and patience, you can turn most quick-to-hiss cats into a pet who loves attention.

Make sure your cat is healthy before starting a behavior-modification program. A cat who's sick or injured will lash out, and can't learn. For cats who are completely out of control (as opposed to just a little claw-happy), getting a referral to a veterinary behaviorist is also a good idea. A veterinarian behaviorist can prescribe medications that can ease your cat through the rough spots as you get help with the program.

For most healthy cats, though, all that's needed is to learn why cats lash out when being petted and how to deal with them properly and patiently:

Overstimulation. You're petting your cat, and suddenly he grabs you with his claws and teeth. Not a full-powered attack, but you still have those sharp tips around your hand. What to do? In the short run, freeze. Don't struggle or fight back, or you may trigger a real bite. Sometimes smacking your other hand hard against a hard surface -- a tabletop, for example -- may startle your cat into breaking off the attack. If you stay still, however, he will usually calm down and release you.

That's the solution if you've gotten to the attack stage. The better option is to be familiar with your cat and his body language and stop petting before he becomes overstimulated. Cat lovers often think such attacks come without warning, but they've missed the warning signs of a cat who has simply had enough. The tail is the key. If your cat starts twitching his tail in a jerky fashion, it's time to stop petting. (See the sidebar on how and where to pet an easily overstimulated cat.)

Play aggression. Sure, it hurts all the same, but the cat who pounces on your feet and then careens off the wall isn't trying to hurt you -- he's playing. Instead of punishing your cat, redirect his energy. Increase your play sessions with your cat with an appropriate toy, such as a cat fishing pole or toy on a string, to help your cat burn off his excess energy before you try for a quiet petting session.

No matter what, never let your cat view you as a plaything, not even when he's an adorable kitten. Wrestling bare-handed with your cat or kitten is a no-no, because you're setting up a bad precedent. A stuffed sock is a great substitute for a human hand when it comes to playthings -- let your cat bite, claw and bunny-kick to his heart's content.

What if he persists in seeing you as a plaything? As with an overstimulated cat, stop the behavior by freezing. Don't give him a reason to continue the attack. You can also inform him that attacks on you are not permitted by letting him have it with a shot of water from a spray bottle.

With a scratch-happy cat, always work to eliminate the triggers for unwanted behavior and work on your cat's tolerance levels for being petted. If you're patient and consistent, your cat can learn to play nice.

Christie Keith is a Pet Connection contributing editor.