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Travolta, 'Shorty' sequel just don't measure up

"Be Cool" isn't.

A junk-bond sequel to 1995's buoyant and smart "Get Shorty," this stunningly inept movie is an early contender for worst film of 2005.

John Travolta returns as Chili Palmer, the smooth operator and former loan shark who used his street-honed cool and quick wits to hoodwink some Hollywood biggies in the first film.

MGM Pictures 'Be Cool' D The verdict: Be bad. Director: F. Gary Gray Starring: John Travolta, Uma Thurman Run time: 106 minutes Release date:March 4, 2005 Rating: PG-13 for violence, sensuality and language including sexual references. See showtimes On the web Official movie site View the trailer   -- Trailers require Quicktime Rate "Be Cool":   Go see it   Make it a matinee   Wait to rent   Don't bother Voter Limit: Once per Hour View Poll Results

Feeling itchy, Chili switches from movies to the music biz. After spotting a talented young singer named Linda Moon (Christina Milian), he combines her need to get out of a bad contract with that of the newly widowed Edie Athens (Uma Thurman), who's just inherited her husband's floundering record company. Both need a hit and Chili is going to see to it they get one.

There are obstacles, most of them pretty stupid. Linda's sleazy manager (Vince Vaughn) doesn't want to let her go. Neither does shady businessman Harvey Keitel. And somehow Hollywood's current villain of choice, the Russian mafia, gets involved, too, as does Cedric the Entertainer as an Ivy League-educated music producer and doting dad whose upscale lifestyle is at odds with his urban image (in one scene, he has a spatula in one hand and a gun in the other).

More of an obnoxious presence than an obstacle is Aerosmith's Steven Tyler (as he is billed), who appears as himself. Let's just say, as far as any acting talent goes, he makes daughter Liv look like Meryl Streep.

"Get Shorty" was directed by Barry Sonnenfeld, and "Be Cool's" F. Gary Gray ("The Italian Job") is no Sonnenfeld. (Actually, Sonnenfeld has been no Sonnenfeld recently.) While the former captured the colorful characters and slimy cellphony vibe of Hollywood dealmaking evoked in Elmore Leonard's novel, Gray delivers a picture that's all over the place. You start to wonder if his movie is really this bad or if it's meant to be a pitch-perfect parody of other bad Hollywood movies.

For example, one moment Chili and Edie get all dewy-eyed about Linda's career potential, the next Vaughn is doing the godawfulest imitation of a white guy trying to be gangsta cool you've ever seen (or heard). Keitel wipes him out with a mere two sentences of street talk.

And the much vaunted Travolta-Thurman rematch on the dance floor only proves one thing: What's done is done and there's no use going back.

Travolta isn't "Basic" bad here, but he's not the Travolta of "Face/Off" or "Pulp Fiction." Or, for that matter, "Get Shorty." The kicky "I-be-cool" confidence is still intact, but for the most part he lazes through the movie, gliding along on his iconic charm.

Though she's introduced thighs and butt first, Thurman reminds us how far she's come since her blankly decorative ingenue days. She has presence here, but none of the insinuating energy of her "Kill Bill" movies.

The only ones who seem to be having any fun are the Rock (aka Dwayne Johnson) as a gay bodyguard who'd rather act than bully people, and AndrŽ Benjamin (aka AndrŽ 3000) as a trigger-happy member of Cedric the Entertainers's rap group/entourage.

Otherwise, "Be Cool" is an awkward and self-indulgent enterprise. And its glib stabs at Hollywood insider humor come off like "The Player" for fifth-graders.